Do Surrogates Develop an Attachment With the Baby?

1. 🩺 The issue of emotional attachment of a surrogate mother to a child
2. 🤰 Psychological screening of a surrogate mother
3. ⭐ Tips for a good relationship with parents-to-be

Feskov Human Reproduction Group performs a strict selection of surrogate mothers for a variety of surrogacy programs. Therefore, as a result of our programs with fixed prices, parents receive a healthy baby with 100% guarantees!

The issue of emotional attachment of a surrogate mother to a child

At first glance, it seems obvious that a surrogate mother will be attached to the baby she bears for months and will give birth, which is an incredibly emotional experience. However, from the very beginning, the woman is fully aware that she came to the program not to have a child of her own, but to help other people start a family. She may like to be involved in a noble cause, feel her need and importance, or just enjoy being pregnant. Of course, no one canceled financial compensation either.

But, the main leitmotif of this way is that she decided to take this step to help the intended parents, and not to cultivate attachment to someone else's baby.

Psychological screening of a surrogate mother

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) strongly recommends that surrogacy candidates undergo psychological assessment and training. Serious reproduction agencies and clinics will never approve a woman who does not meet special, both physical and psychological requirements.

1. Firstly, the candidate must have her own children.
2. Secondly, the absence of serious post-natal problems or losses.
3. Thirdly, mental health and commitment.

The future gestational carrier is obliged to pass a consultation with a psychologist to find out the main reasons for joining the program. One of which should be the desire to help other people. Special psychological tests will help to assess the mental state of a woman, her hidden, subconscious moments.

The Feskov Human Reproduction Group carefully checks both candidates for the role of a surrogate mother and donors to participate in the surrogacy programs with donation. So, the intended parents can be completely calm about the health and adequacy of women.

Tips for a good relationship with parents-to-be

Some intended parents may fear that the surrogate mother might want to keep the baby. Why shouldn't they do this, because they don't know anything about this person, even in the case of tests and screenings carried out by an agency or clinic. But, fortunately, most of the relationship between all parties is extremely positive. And they often lead to lifelong friendship or fond memories of a shared surrogate journey experience.

The following tips will help a pregnant surogate mother to build trusting relationships with parents based on mutual respect:

• understand the feelings and concerns of people due to the lack of control over the pregnant woman. After all, they are forced to entrust another woman with the most precious thing in their life. It is important to empathize with their feelings;
• be flexible in relation to the wishes and requirements of the parents. Perhaps they had been waiting for this moment for years and would have given everything to be in her place. Some desires may seem stupid and annoying, but you should try to understand and satisfy them, if possible, of course;
• treat the parents-to-be the way we would like to be treated you. The success of a relationship mainly depends on this point. Mutual understanding and respect. Whatever the pregnancy of a surrogate mother, for these people it will be even more difficult in the absence of empathy on her part. Because surrogate journey is a team process.

When the child goes home, the former surrogate mother returns to her daily duties, caring for her own children. For some, this period can be challenging. However, this feeling is temporary, since the woman was prepared to think that originally it was not her baby. To speed up emotional rehabilitation, you can go somewhere with your whole family to get distracted and to take your mind off it.

 Does the process affect the child?

Studies show that intended parents' attachment to a child begins to develop even before the child is born. Active participation in the gestation process helps this:

• joint visits to the doctor;
• attendance at ultrasound;
• joint walks and regular communication with mom;
• preparing a children's room and buying special stuff, etc.

Parents and mom should definitely discuss how the first minutes of a newborn's life will go. So that people adapt as much as possible to new feelings and emotions. A surrogate baby is no different from any other babies. He needs care, parental presence and love in order to feel calm and confident in this life. And his parents have all this in abundance.

And the Feskov Human Reproduction Group will help all participants in the process feel calm and confident on this inspiring way!

Authors, contributors:

Vladyslav Feskov
Chief of the Surrogate motherhood Center of professor Feskov

published: 12 October 2020
updated   : 02 March 2023

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